The Dreaded Conversation

How to Know when Your Mid is Growing up

First I have to apologize for the length of this post but I hope it is helpful to many , if not some… As Moms, we have worked hard have we not? I learned a lot during the week of Herndon. It dawned on me that I was no longer in the “Mom” role per se. In terms of my Mid, I was now in more of a supporting role, an easily available and safe sounding board, no longer guiding as much as observing and commenting – occasionally or when asked. My, how far my Mid had come in a summer – in a year! So much more responsible and mature that my friends’ kids in regular college…

I also realized that as my Mid progressed into his Youngster year, he became even more independent – and he was always pretty independent up to that point! About half way through Fall of youngster year, during one of our many visits, my Mid and I had THE DREADED CONVERSATION – It went something like this: You know Mom, I really love seeing all of you and I have really enjoyed the visits (up to that point that Fall we had been in Annapolis about four times in three months. In all fairness, one was in August to drop him off and help him move in. The second was because we had rented a house for my Dad’s reunion and he and my Mom were not able to make it. House was paid for, why not visit? A no-brainer! Third time was for Parents Club business. Fourth time was because we had planned a trip at the end of October several months before – non refundable rental…who can blame us?). So to pick up where I left off – I have really enjoyed the visits, but…(LONG pause) I think you have been here too much. I want to be able to go away with my friends on the long weekends now that we have overnights on Saturday and Sunday. Is it OK if you all do not come up as often? Ouch! He was right though…I had just mentioned to my husband that we had been up too much… but I never thought I would hear that from my beloved first born! To which I replied – Oookay, but please remember that not all the trips were planned. And besides, who says we are here only to see you? We love to shop in Annapolis, LOVE the Midstore, and we have friends here. You know, you are not the only reason we come here (gulp! probably the main one though…) So we looked at future visits, and I went extreme, OK – we will cancel them all – except for Easter. Well, you don’t have to cancel them all – my Mid said. We’ll be up at Easter. We already paid for the rental. We agreed = that way he would have the free time he wanted. My heart was heavy – he did not need me as much anymore…

So time went by, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New years we had a great time together. Time came and went. And lo and behold another excuse, uh sorry, reason to go to Annapolis came in January – Commissioning 101 Conference ( must attend for 2/C and Firstie families BTW) – it was for the Parents Club, right? Actually very legitimate. So I was up in January, stopped by the Yard to say hello and did not bother my Mid all weekend. I was very proud of myself, but also so very jealous of all of the other Moms I saw with their mids…Yup! Pity party! ;-(

So a couple more months went by. We are now on our Mid’s schedule – he lets us know when he can speak, no pressure because he has an extremely busy, demanding schedule – sound familiar? (six-in on Fridays and every other day of the week – six classes in one day, labs, etc.). Easter finally rolls around, we arrive in Annapolis and when we see our Mid I get a BIG hug and he lets us know that we were missed. I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder! Anyway, he invited a whole bunch of his friends over and we had a great time. I heard over and over – You are so lucky that your parents are here all the time! Mine never come… I guess the grass is always greener…

Every Mid and every family is different – this may come your way or it may not. Just be ready for anything and don’t take it personally. I can’t lie, it hit me hard, but it is just one more step getting ready to let them go as they prepare to go into the Fleet… The gist of the message? Be prepared – they do grow up and they may need you less, but always be on the sidelines ready to be there for them. In the end, they will always appreciate your efforts. Their needs just change from year to year as they grow, mature, and come into their own as Naval Officers. Don’t take it personally – remember, Semper Gumby! By the way – our Mid will be COMING HOME for his leave – of his own choice! …Now that feels good!